Jan. 10, 2010
COLUMBUS: President Obama and Congress have been out trying to restore confidence. But with the high unemployment, gas prices, and looming inflation, the only place where confidence has been restored is among the big bankers on Wall Street. As a reward for the tremendous work those birds did on our economy the last two or three years, they are receiving million dollar bonuses. If we had let AIG and Goldman Sachs go under like we did Lehman Brothers and Bear Stearns, they would be on a New York street corner selling apples.
In California, Governor Schwarzenegger had the best line of the week on the health care bill. Concerning the extra billion or so that Senator Nelson got for Nebraska’s Medicaid patients, Arnold said, "Nebraska gets the corn, we get the husks." California has a deficit of $25 Billion and it will take more than husks to fill their coffers. Don’t be surprised if the Governor devises a scheme to send all of California’s folks on Medicaid to Nebraska. He may send a couple million excess immigrants also. That would go a long way toward restoring confidence in California.
While the President and Democrats in the House and Senate fight over the final health care bill, the argument in the rest of the country is whether the negotiations should be televised on C-span. I’m not sure America could stand to watch. The return of the early rounds of American Idol is as much pain as we can endure.
What most people want the government to work on is defeating radical Islamists. Bin Laden and his fellow terrorists have been outsmarting us for years. You know, they may have changed their strategy with suicide bombers. Every year or two they come up with a different way to threaten an airplane and they tell the bomber, "We don’t care if it works or not. If it don’t, they’ll spend millions on a trial, and billions devising technology to prevent the previous method. Instead of bringing down a plane, we’ll bring down their economy."
So, Mr. President, knock out these terrorists and that will do more to restore confidence than a million speeches.
Historic quotes from Will Rogers:
"I like to make little jokes and kid about the Senators. They are a kind of a never ending source of amusement, amazement, and discouragement." WA #345, Aug. 4, 1929
"You know I am an Indian. My folks are Cherokees and I am very proud of the fact and us Injuns are mighty proud of Charlie Curtis. He is a leader of the Senate and was the most able man in there. Of course that don't give you much of an idea of his ability, but he is at least the best they had in there. A Senate leader is a very important position. Then they elected him Vice-President (in 1928), and he lost his standing then and he is down at the bottom now and has to work up again." Radio, April 27, 1930
Randall Reeder
Will Rogers Today http://willrogerstoday.com
614-477-0439 willrogers@aol.com
Need a Speaker? Hurry up and hire me before I die... again.
Showing posts with label California. Show all posts
Showing posts with label California. Show all posts
Monday, January 25, 2010
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Weekly Comments: U.S. Senate gains another humorist #558
July 5, 2009
COLUMBUS: Al Franken finally got into the Senate. It was a tight race, and it took the lawyers eight months to figure out who won because they were getting paid by the hour. The Republicans in Minnesota set a record in a losing cause: the most money ever spent to keep a comedian out of the Senate.
Dan Thomasson, a fine syndicated newspaper columnist, quoted “me” in his article Sunday, “Al Franken, the comedian turned politician, should be right at home in Congress, which Will Rogers once described as the greatest collection of humorists in the world.” Well, Dan, I appreciate the mention. You’re right, I did refer to Congress a number of times as a bunch of comedians, but never did I use “greatest.” They’ve got too much ego as it is.
If you’re in the Southeastern states, keep an eye out for eight bicyclists who are riding from North Carolina all the way to Oklahoma on the “Trail of Tears.” In case you don’t remember your history, President Andrew Jackson got the Indian Removal Act passed by Congress to make all Indians move west of the Mississippi River. The Supreme Court, under John C. Marshall, said, “No, you can’t do that.” But ole Andy defied the Supreme Court, and had the Army round up the Cherokees and four other tribes at gunpoint and forced them to leave their homes and head west. About one out of every four Cherokees died before they reached what is now Oklahoma. So if you live near that route through Georgia, Alabama, Tennessee, Missouri and Arkansas, keep an eye out for those bicycles and clap as they go by.
California is putting on a memorial service for Michael Jackson. Gov. Schwarzenegger missed a big opportunity to trim the state deficit. More than a million and a half people wanted to come to Los Angeles for the service, but California only allowed 17,500. See, they should have moved it to some wide-open spot outside of town, invited everybody, and had state employees run all the concessions. By monopolizing the sales and stretching the service to 3 or 4 days, why California could have cleared a billion dollars just on cold drinks.
Governor Palin announced she is resigning. She hasn’t called me to explain why she’s quitting, so I’ll just let the other commentators do all the speculating.
Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“Politics is the best show in America and I am going to keep on enjoying it. So on with the show.... One thing about the Democrats, they never put on a dull show.” WA #521, Dec. 18, 1932
“Compared to (Congress) I’m an amateur, and the thing about my jokes is they don't hurt anybody. You can say they're funny, or they're horrible, or they're good, or whatever, but they don't do any harm. But with Congress every time they make a joke it's a law... and every time they make a law, it's a joke.” Radio broadcast, May 5, 1935
Randall Reeder is Will Rogers Today
http://willrogerstoday.com willrogers@aol.com
614-477-0439
Need a Speaker? Hurry up and hire me before I die... again.
COLUMBUS: Al Franken finally got into the Senate. It was a tight race, and it took the lawyers eight months to figure out who won because they were getting paid by the hour. The Republicans in Minnesota set a record in a losing cause: the most money ever spent to keep a comedian out of the Senate.
Dan Thomasson, a fine syndicated newspaper columnist, quoted “me” in his article Sunday, “Al Franken, the comedian turned politician, should be right at home in Congress, which Will Rogers once described as the greatest collection of humorists in the world.” Well, Dan, I appreciate the mention. You’re right, I did refer to Congress a number of times as a bunch of comedians, but never did I use “greatest.” They’ve got too much ego as it is.
If you’re in the Southeastern states, keep an eye out for eight bicyclists who are riding from North Carolina all the way to Oklahoma on the “Trail of Tears.” In case you don’t remember your history, President Andrew Jackson got the Indian Removal Act passed by Congress to make all Indians move west of the Mississippi River. The Supreme Court, under John C. Marshall, said, “No, you can’t do that.” But ole Andy defied the Supreme Court, and had the Army round up the Cherokees and four other tribes at gunpoint and forced them to leave their homes and head west. About one out of every four Cherokees died before they reached what is now Oklahoma. So if you live near that route through Georgia, Alabama, Tennessee, Missouri and Arkansas, keep an eye out for those bicycles and clap as they go by.
California is putting on a memorial service for Michael Jackson. Gov. Schwarzenegger missed a big opportunity to trim the state deficit. More than a million and a half people wanted to come to Los Angeles for the service, but California only allowed 17,500. See, they should have moved it to some wide-open spot outside of town, invited everybody, and had state employees run all the concessions. By monopolizing the sales and stretching the service to 3 or 4 days, why California could have cleared a billion dollars just on cold drinks.
Governor Palin announced she is resigning. She hasn’t called me to explain why she’s quitting, so I’ll just let the other commentators do all the speculating.
Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“Politics is the best show in America and I am going to keep on enjoying it. So on with the show.... One thing about the Democrats, they never put on a dull show.” WA #521, Dec. 18, 1932
“Compared to (Congress) I’m an amateur, and the thing about my jokes is they don't hurt anybody. You can say they're funny, or they're horrible, or they're good, or whatever, but they don't do any harm. But with Congress every time they make a joke it's a law... and every time they make a law, it's a joke.” Radio broadcast, May 5, 1935
Randall Reeder is Will Rogers Today
http://willrogerstoday.com willrogers@aol.com
614-477-0439
Need a Speaker? Hurry up and hire me before I die... again.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Weekly Comments: Confused about Inflation? Worry no more. #555
June 14, 2009
COLUMBUS: I read in our newspaper that two brothers were arrested for printing money on their home computer. It was $20 and $50 bills, and they said their main goal was to buy a car. When the police asked how they figured to get away with it, the older one said, “The President is printing a Trillion dollars to stimulate the economy, so we’re helping him with a few thousand.”
Inflation won’t make your cash holdings as worthless as those fake bills. And if you’re broke, inflation don’t worry you. But if you’ve saved a little nest egg, and didn’t lose it on Wall Street, why I don’t blame you for being concerned. Deflation is easy to manage; just put off buying anything as long as you can because it’ll be cheaper next week. But for inflation, the trick is to buy something now that will go up faster than the dollar goes down. Probably “my” advice from 1930 is just as good today: buy land because they aren’t making any more of it. Go out in the country and find a few acres. Even if it don’t make any money, but you can always walk on it.
There’s 180 acres in Pacific Palisades, California, that Gov. Schwarzenegger has about decided ain’t worth walking on, at least not for a few years. It’s the Will Rogers State Park, and along with another 200 parks, it may be shut down. I hate to go against a governor, but parks ain’t the problem in California, it’s people. Not people in general; there’s just too many people on the state payroll. If the governor fired the ones that aren’t working at all, he could save enough to operate all the parks. And he could balance the entire state budget if he let go all the ones that ain’t worth what they’re being paid, including two-thirds of the state Legislature.
If Donald Trump can fire Miss California, why can’t the Governor give the axe to a few hundred thousand. (Most people think Donald should have kept Miss California, and fired the judge, but that’s a story for another time.)
The Palau Islands won the Gitmo Lottery. This is not like the lottery won by the young rancher in North Dakota. They gave him a check for $235 Million, and by the time he got it to the bank it was only $85 Million. Palau won $200 Million from us, and all they have to do is take care of 17 Gitmo prisoners. Palau gets the entire check, over $10 Million a terrorist. If this news gets back to the other Gitmo terrorists they’ll all ask for their $10 Million and promise to head directly to one of those South Pacific islands, for life.
The Los Angeles Lakers won another basketball championship tonight, winning in Orlando. They asked Kobe Bryant where he’s headed now. “I’m going home; I’ve already been to Disney World.” Earlier the Pittsburgh Penguins won the hockey title over Detroit. You know, it’s the middle of June. It’s time to put away the winter coats and move on to baseball.
Historic quotes from Will Rogers:
“My old friend [newspaper columnist] Arthur Brisbane accused me good-naturedly of being worried over this Inflation. I wasn't worried. I was just confused. There is quite a difference.
When you are worried you know what you are worried about, but when you are confused it's when you don't know enough about a thing to be worried.
But Arthur, even my confusion is all over now. Everybody that I meet has explained this whole inflation thing so clearly that now I am going around explaining it myself." DT #2096, April 23, 1933
“To inflate or not to inflate, that is the Democratic question. Whether it's nobler in the minds to suffer the slings and arrows of southern politicians, or to take up
inflation against a sea of economists, and by opposing, end them.
To expand, to inflate, to inflate perchance to dream. Aye, there's the rub.
For in that sleep of inflation, what dreams may come, puzzle the will and make us doubtful whether to bear those ills we have, or fly to others we know not of.” DT #2225, Sept. 20, 1933 (Yes, Will Rogers knew his Shakespeare)
Randall Reeder is Will Rogers Today
http://willrogerstoday.com willrogers@aol.com
614-477-0439
Need a Speaker? Hurry up and hire me before I die... again
COLUMBUS: I read in our newspaper that two brothers were arrested for printing money on their home computer. It was $20 and $50 bills, and they said their main goal was to buy a car. When the police asked how they figured to get away with it, the older one said, “The President is printing a Trillion dollars to stimulate the economy, so we’re helping him with a few thousand.”
Inflation won’t make your cash holdings as worthless as those fake bills. And if you’re broke, inflation don’t worry you. But if you’ve saved a little nest egg, and didn’t lose it on Wall Street, why I don’t blame you for being concerned. Deflation is easy to manage; just put off buying anything as long as you can because it’ll be cheaper next week. But for inflation, the trick is to buy something now that will go up faster than the dollar goes down. Probably “my” advice from 1930 is just as good today: buy land because they aren’t making any more of it. Go out in the country and find a few acres. Even if it don’t make any money, but you can always walk on it.
There’s 180 acres in Pacific Palisades, California, that Gov. Schwarzenegger has about decided ain’t worth walking on, at least not for a few years. It’s the Will Rogers State Park, and along with another 200 parks, it may be shut down. I hate to go against a governor, but parks ain’t the problem in California, it’s people. Not people in general; there’s just too many people on the state payroll. If the governor fired the ones that aren’t working at all, he could save enough to operate all the parks. And he could balance the entire state budget if he let go all the ones that ain’t worth what they’re being paid, including two-thirds of the state Legislature.
If Donald Trump can fire Miss California, why can’t the Governor give the axe to a few hundred thousand. (Most people think Donald should have kept Miss California, and fired the judge, but that’s a story for another time.)
The Palau Islands won the Gitmo Lottery. This is not like the lottery won by the young rancher in North Dakota. They gave him a check for $235 Million, and by the time he got it to the bank it was only $85 Million. Palau won $200 Million from us, and all they have to do is take care of 17 Gitmo prisoners. Palau gets the entire check, over $10 Million a terrorist. If this news gets back to the other Gitmo terrorists they’ll all ask for their $10 Million and promise to head directly to one of those South Pacific islands, for life.
The Los Angeles Lakers won another basketball championship tonight, winning in Orlando. They asked Kobe Bryant where he’s headed now. “I’m going home; I’ve already been to Disney World.” Earlier the Pittsburgh Penguins won the hockey title over Detroit. You know, it’s the middle of June. It’s time to put away the winter coats and move on to baseball.
Historic quotes from Will Rogers:
“My old friend [newspaper columnist] Arthur Brisbane accused me good-naturedly of being worried over this Inflation. I wasn't worried. I was just confused. There is quite a difference.
When you are worried you know what you are worried about, but when you are confused it's when you don't know enough about a thing to be worried.
But Arthur, even my confusion is all over now. Everybody that I meet has explained this whole inflation thing so clearly that now I am going around explaining it myself." DT #2096, April 23, 1933
“To inflate or not to inflate, that is the Democratic question. Whether it's nobler in the minds to suffer the slings and arrows of southern politicians, or to take up
inflation against a sea of economists, and by opposing, end them.
To expand, to inflate, to inflate perchance to dream. Aye, there's the rub.
For in that sleep of inflation, what dreams may come, puzzle the will and make us doubtful whether to bear those ills we have, or fly to others we know not of.” DT #2225, Sept. 20, 1933 (Yes, Will Rogers knew his Shakespeare)
Randall Reeder is Will Rogers Today
http://willrogerstoday.com willrogers@aol.com
614-477-0439
Need a Speaker? Hurry up and hire me before I die... again
Weekly Comments: PETA flies in the face of common sense
June 20, 2009
COLUMBUS: Over in Iran we have thousands of democratic-minded people taking to the streets to battle the government over actions of Ahmadinejad.
Meanwhile in this country we have PETA rising up in indignation over the actions of President Obama. This PETA organization, with the full backing of the (fake) Humane Society (HSUS), has decided that the Iran uprising, North Korea nuclear blasts and Trillion dollar deficits don’t matter as much as the life of one pesky house fly.
Instead of swatting these endangered critters, PETA wants the President and the rest of us to carefully trap annoying house flies, mosquitos, fleas and gnats, then provide them nourishment and comfortable quarters until enough have been rounded up to justify a drive to the country. Then, when a suitable farm habitat has been spotted, said critters will be released and shooed in the general direction of the nearest livestock, farmhands or vacationing dude ranchers.
If you have previously contributed to PETA and HSUS, and find that your views on the care and feeding of house flies and mosquitos are opposite to these organizations, I suggest you ask for return of your money. Maybe half of what you get back you can donate to those Iranians endangering their own lives to fight for democracy.
Meanwhile California has shut off the irrigation water to farmers who grow a big chunk of our food. And the reason given is nearly as foolish as the house fly killing controversy: they are saving all the water for a little minnow. Now I’ve got nothing against this particular minnow; mixed in a salad, they could be mighty tasty. But I rather doubt that even with the most prolific animal husbandry, you could produce enough of these minnows to replace the nourishment being lost from those dried up farms.
I’m headed to Reno tomorrow for a convention of engineers. Reno’s next door to California, but they continue to provide water to anyone who needs it. Reno was once known as the divorce capital of the country but other states horned in and that business dried up. Today they’re hoping to get back into it, starting with their own U.S. Senator.
Historic quotes from Will Rogers:
[Letter to President Coolidge, vacationing in Vermont] “Well, I guess by the time this reaches you, you will have brushed all the Chiggers and Fleas and Mosquitoes off of you, and are back in the White House with nothing to worry you but Farmers and Democrats. If it had been me, I believe I would have stayed up there all year.” Saturday Evening Post, August 1926
“They no more than stop Cal [Coolidge] from fishing with worms than he goes out with flies and catches even more. If they stop his using flies, why, he is getting so Western that he is just liable to pull out his .44 and shoot a flock of fish, or take down his old lariat and [rope] enough for dinner. There's no stopping the man. He is a modern [Teddy] Roosevelt.” DT #303, July 12, 1927
“People don’t change under governments. Governments change, but the people remain the same.” Saturday Evening Post, Dec. 4, 1926
Randall Reeder is Will Rogers Today
http://willrogerstoday.com willrogers@aol.com
614-477-0439
Need a Speaker? Hurry up and hire me before I die... again.
COLUMBUS: Over in Iran we have thousands of democratic-minded people taking to the streets to battle the government over actions of Ahmadinejad.
Meanwhile in this country we have PETA rising up in indignation over the actions of President Obama. This PETA organization, with the full backing of the (fake) Humane Society (HSUS), has decided that the Iran uprising, North Korea nuclear blasts and Trillion dollar deficits don’t matter as much as the life of one pesky house fly.
Instead of swatting these endangered critters, PETA wants the President and the rest of us to carefully trap annoying house flies, mosquitos, fleas and gnats, then provide them nourishment and comfortable quarters until enough have been rounded up to justify a drive to the country. Then, when a suitable farm habitat has been spotted, said critters will be released and shooed in the general direction of the nearest livestock, farmhands or vacationing dude ranchers.
If you have previously contributed to PETA and HSUS, and find that your views on the care and feeding of house flies and mosquitos are opposite to these organizations, I suggest you ask for return of your money. Maybe half of what you get back you can donate to those Iranians endangering their own lives to fight for democracy.
Meanwhile California has shut off the irrigation water to farmers who grow a big chunk of our food. And the reason given is nearly as foolish as the house fly killing controversy: they are saving all the water for a little minnow. Now I’ve got nothing against this particular minnow; mixed in a salad, they could be mighty tasty. But I rather doubt that even with the most prolific animal husbandry, you could produce enough of these minnows to replace the nourishment being lost from those dried up farms.
I’m headed to Reno tomorrow for a convention of engineers. Reno’s next door to California, but they continue to provide water to anyone who needs it. Reno was once known as the divorce capital of the country but other states horned in and that business dried up. Today they’re hoping to get back into it, starting with their own U.S. Senator.
Historic quotes from Will Rogers:
[Letter to President Coolidge, vacationing in Vermont] “Well, I guess by the time this reaches you, you will have brushed all the Chiggers and Fleas and Mosquitoes off of you, and are back in the White House with nothing to worry you but Farmers and Democrats. If it had been me, I believe I would have stayed up there all year.” Saturday Evening Post, August 1926
“They no more than stop Cal [Coolidge] from fishing with worms than he goes out with flies and catches even more. If they stop his using flies, why, he is getting so Western that he is just liable to pull out his .44 and shoot a flock of fish, or take down his old lariat and [rope] enough for dinner. There's no stopping the man. He is a modern [Teddy] Roosevelt.” DT #303, July 12, 1927
“People don’t change under governments. Governments change, but the people remain the same.” Saturday Evening Post, Dec. 4, 1926
Randall Reeder is Will Rogers Today
http://willrogerstoday.com willrogers@aol.com
614-477-0439
Need a Speaker? Hurry up and hire me before I die... again.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Weekly Comments: Need a job? Become a Czar. #554
June 7, 2009
WILDCAT, West Virginia: More people are losing their jobs every month. Seems like the only profession with immediate growth potential is Czars. If you ever wanted to be a Czar, now’s the time.
Just write the President and tell him what particular chunk of American enterprise you want to mold to your own liking. If no one else thought of it, you’ve got a chance. He already named a Car Czar and one for health insurance. There’s even a Czar in charge of the Great Lakes. Any man that can make those lakes rise and fall at will deserves to be called Czar. Or even King.
Nothing needs a Czar more than California, but who would take it in its present state? Maybe Michael Moore, but it was him and a few others that helped put it in its present state.
Oil is up to $70. Did you notice this spring that every time some prominent economist predicted “Oil will maintain a steady price through summer,” they tacked on another $5 a barrel. But we’re looking at the wrong side of the equation. When oil climbed from $40 to $50 to $60 and so on, it ain’t just because oil is getting more valuable. No, it’s because our dollar is getting less valuable. Old man inflation is lurking behind every bush ready to pounce.
Our newspapers and television won’t give up calling this H1N1 flu “swine flu” instead. A few people have died, but not a single hog. The only effect the flu has had on swine is to lower the price the old farmer gets for his hogs. Maybe next time we can call it “oil flu”, and it’ll have the same effect.
Dairy farmers are losing money on milk and culling their cow herds. I believe there’s just as many people “Got Milk” as ever. They’ve got it, they just aren’t drinking it. The old rancher is losing on his cattle too, because once this beef gets to the grocery store, nobody can tell a Holstein from a Hereford.
President Obama’s speech in Egypt went over with the Muslims and Arabs. Whenever he said something complimentary about Islam, he got applause. Whenever he said something complimentary about America they ignored him. Al-Qeida gave the opposition response. They said, “Don’t listen to these Americans. We’re the ones who know what’s good for Muslims, not some man named Barrack Hussein Obama.” Maybe they should have left off that last part.
The reason I’m reporting from Wildcat, is I’m here today with family and friends on a small hilltop cemetery honoring those who lost their lives in wars. Yes, this Decoration Day is later than for most of you, but a few days difference don’t matter to the eight with small American flags by their headstones, including seven from the Civil War. The ceremony was not as elaborate as the one yesterday for D-Day in France, but just as respectful.
Historic quotes from Will Rogers:
“One of the very next things Mr. Roosevelt is going to do, so I was told in Washington on the best authority, was to appoint an oil czar. No industry needs a warden worse.” DT #2112, May 11, 1933
[A woman visiting New York claims] “to be the Czarina of Russia, of course that was in case Russia ever decided to have a Czar and a Czarina. It would be about like me announcing that I had decided to be King of Oklahoma (in case, of course, Oklahoma ever decided to have a King).” WA #107, December 28, 1924
“Steak on the plate went up, steak on the hoof went down.” WA #118, March 15, 1925
Randall Reeder is Will Rogers Today
http://willrogerstoday.com willrogers@aol.com
614-477-0439
Need a Speaker? Hurry up and hire me before I die... again.
WILDCAT, West Virginia: More people are losing their jobs every month. Seems like the only profession with immediate growth potential is Czars. If you ever wanted to be a Czar, now’s the time.
Just write the President and tell him what particular chunk of American enterprise you want to mold to your own liking. If no one else thought of it, you’ve got a chance. He already named a Car Czar and one for health insurance. There’s even a Czar in charge of the Great Lakes. Any man that can make those lakes rise and fall at will deserves to be called Czar. Or even King.
Nothing needs a Czar more than California, but who would take it in its present state? Maybe Michael Moore, but it was him and a few others that helped put it in its present state.
Oil is up to $70. Did you notice this spring that every time some prominent economist predicted “Oil will maintain a steady price through summer,” they tacked on another $5 a barrel. But we’re looking at the wrong side of the equation. When oil climbed from $40 to $50 to $60 and so on, it ain’t just because oil is getting more valuable. No, it’s because our dollar is getting less valuable. Old man inflation is lurking behind every bush ready to pounce.
Our newspapers and television won’t give up calling this H1N1 flu “swine flu” instead. A few people have died, but not a single hog. The only effect the flu has had on swine is to lower the price the old farmer gets for his hogs. Maybe next time we can call it “oil flu”, and it’ll have the same effect.
Dairy farmers are losing money on milk and culling their cow herds. I believe there’s just as many people “Got Milk” as ever. They’ve got it, they just aren’t drinking it. The old rancher is losing on his cattle too, because once this beef gets to the grocery store, nobody can tell a Holstein from a Hereford.
President Obama’s speech in Egypt went over with the Muslims and Arabs. Whenever he said something complimentary about Islam, he got applause. Whenever he said something complimentary about America they ignored him. Al-Qeida gave the opposition response. They said, “Don’t listen to these Americans. We’re the ones who know what’s good for Muslims, not some man named Barrack Hussein Obama.” Maybe they should have left off that last part.
The reason I’m reporting from Wildcat, is I’m here today with family and friends on a small hilltop cemetery honoring those who lost their lives in wars. Yes, this Decoration Day is later than for most of you, but a few days difference don’t matter to the eight with small American flags by their headstones, including seven from the Civil War. The ceremony was not as elaborate as the one yesterday for D-Day in France, but just as respectful.
Historic quotes from Will Rogers:
“One of the very next things Mr. Roosevelt is going to do, so I was told in Washington on the best authority, was to appoint an oil czar. No industry needs a warden worse.” DT #2112, May 11, 1933
[A woman visiting New York claims] “to be the Czarina of Russia, of course that was in case Russia ever decided to have a Czar and a Czarina. It would be about like me announcing that I had decided to be King of Oklahoma (in case, of course, Oklahoma ever decided to have a King).” WA #107, December 28, 1924
“Steak on the plate went up, steak on the hoof went down.” WA #118, March 15, 1925
Randall Reeder is Will Rogers Today
http://willrogerstoday.com willrogers@aol.com
614-477-0439
Need a Speaker? Hurry up and hire me before I die... again.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Weekly Comments: Wednesday, August 1, 2001
Wednesday, August 01, 2001
SACRAMENTO, Calif.: I’m out here in northern California, seeing if I can help the Governor scrape up some more electricity. I stumbled across one answer to his problem: Raisins.
After wandering around the Capitol Saturday afternoon I headed south in the San Joaquin Valley, looking over the farms down around Stockton, Modesto and Merced. They got hay, corn, cotton, wheat, tomatoes, almonds, nectarines, plums, peaches, dairy cows, cattle, sheep and goats... almost anything you can name, you add water to it, and it’ll grow here.
But the commodity they have more of than they can possibly get shut of is raisins.
Of course they start out as grapes, but after the pickers eat their fill, what’s left over they turn into wine and raisins.
When premium wine is $40, that’s where they make their profits. But they just announced the Grand Champion wine of all California this year is one that only brings $6 a bottle. So wine ranks up there with all those San Jose dot.coms for profit potential. If you can get the best for $6, why pay more.
That leaves Raisins. This state normally produces 40 percent of all the world’s supply of raisins, but in the last two years it’s grown closer to 110 percent. And the price has shriveled to 45 cents.
So if Governor Davis can trade raisins for electricity, he can redeem himself to the farmers and voters. Maybe he can send a few trainloads to Florida... sell them as miniature prunes, and take kilowatts in return. General Mills could add another scoop to their cereal without overloading the box, or cutting into Tiger Woods’ share. Instead of a banana, eat a box of raisins... that’ll help without putting any of our other US farmers out of work.
Modesto has a big sign across Main Street proclaiming to be home to "Water, Wealth, Contentment, and Health". Their Congressman is cutting into their contentment, but they still have the other three to fall back on. Mr. Condit is keeping quiet at a time when his raisin growers need him most.
Engineers are holding a convention this week in the huge Sacramento Convention Center. A fellow needs one of those electronic GPS map devices, just to find the shortest distance between two committees.
The engineering students held a competition on a street near the Capitol. It’s a thing called a Quarter-scale Tractor Pull. Now quarter horses have been around a long time, but these quarter-scale tractors are pretty new. The crowds got excited just like for the full-size tractor pulls at your county fairs. The winner was designed and built at Kansas State University.
At the White House, Jimmy Carter gave President Bush a new plan to improve elections. It’s a good plan, and will cost us less than the lawyers’ bills for the last election. But he wants to make a holiday out of Election Day. Personally, I think everybody should be required to work that day, even if you’re sick. If you want more folks to vote, don’t give ‘em an excuse to stay in bed all day, or go on a 4-day vacation trip.
I compliment him for letting convicted felons vote after they have served their time. That way, more candidates can vote for themselves. Here’s another good one: he wants the news media to remain quiet until after the polls close. To make it even better, why not require the candidates to remain quiet for at least a month before the polls open.
Historic quotes from Will Rogers:
"I'm broadcasting from Sacramento, California; that's our capital out here, a beautiful state capital located in the civilized end of the state.
It's one of the old cities founded during the gold rush days. They used to use gold for money at one time in this country, but now it's the only thing you can't use for money.
(We’ve) got a legislature here. In fact, we got quite a few of them here in the hall – always an undesirable element pert near anywhere you go.
We're up here with a movie company, and the legislature, as I say, they're here, and people can't hardly tell which is which. We're up here making a comedy to try and put over on the people, and they're up here working on one to try to put over on the same people. Their comedy is going to have a little drama in it. For anytime you stick a couple of hundred million dollars on a state in taxes, why you're getting into tragedy then." Radio broadcast, May 19, 1935
"I was up in Sacramento last week. They wanted me to address the legislature, but I didn't get to do it. But it wouldn't have done much – there's nothing much you could do about a legislature.
I mean it wouldn't have done much good to address them. It's almost hopeless, and just about all you can do is just pay 'em and then hope for the best.
Funny joke on them though. They run out of money Wednesday, and they're not getting anything now, so they're getting just about what they're worth." Radio broadcast, May 26, 1935
Randall Reeder is Will Rogers Today
http://willrogerstoday.com/
willrogers@aol.com
614-477-0439
Need a Speaker? Hurry up and hire me before I die... again.
SACRAMENTO, Calif.: I’m out here in northern California, seeing if I can help the Governor scrape up some more electricity. I stumbled across one answer to his problem: Raisins.
After wandering around the Capitol Saturday afternoon I headed south in the San Joaquin Valley, looking over the farms down around Stockton, Modesto and Merced. They got hay, corn, cotton, wheat, tomatoes, almonds, nectarines, plums, peaches, dairy cows, cattle, sheep and goats... almost anything you can name, you add water to it, and it’ll grow here.
But the commodity they have more of than they can possibly get shut of is raisins.
Of course they start out as grapes, but after the pickers eat their fill, what’s left over they turn into wine and raisins.
When premium wine is $40, that’s where they make their profits. But they just announced the Grand Champion wine of all California this year is one that only brings $6 a bottle. So wine ranks up there with all those San Jose dot.coms for profit potential. If you can get the best for $6, why pay more.
That leaves Raisins. This state normally produces 40 percent of all the world’s supply of raisins, but in the last two years it’s grown closer to 110 percent. And the price has shriveled to 45 cents.
So if Governor Davis can trade raisins for electricity, he can redeem himself to the farmers and voters. Maybe he can send a few trainloads to Florida... sell them as miniature prunes, and take kilowatts in return. General Mills could add another scoop to their cereal without overloading the box, or cutting into Tiger Woods’ share. Instead of a banana, eat a box of raisins... that’ll help without putting any of our other US farmers out of work.
Modesto has a big sign across Main Street proclaiming to be home to "Water, Wealth, Contentment, and Health". Their Congressman is cutting into their contentment, but they still have the other three to fall back on. Mr. Condit is keeping quiet at a time when his raisin growers need him most.
Engineers are holding a convention this week in the huge Sacramento Convention Center. A fellow needs one of those electronic GPS map devices, just to find the shortest distance between two committees.
The engineering students held a competition on a street near the Capitol. It’s a thing called a Quarter-scale Tractor Pull. Now quarter horses have been around a long time, but these quarter-scale tractors are pretty new. The crowds got excited just like for the full-size tractor pulls at your county fairs. The winner was designed and built at Kansas State University.
At the White House, Jimmy Carter gave President Bush a new plan to improve elections. It’s a good plan, and will cost us less than the lawyers’ bills for the last election. But he wants to make a holiday out of Election Day. Personally, I think everybody should be required to work that day, even if you’re sick. If you want more folks to vote, don’t give ‘em an excuse to stay in bed all day, or go on a 4-day vacation trip.
I compliment him for letting convicted felons vote after they have served their time. That way, more candidates can vote for themselves. Here’s another good one: he wants the news media to remain quiet until after the polls close. To make it even better, why not require the candidates to remain quiet for at least a month before the polls open.
Historic quotes from Will Rogers:
"I'm broadcasting from Sacramento, California; that's our capital out here, a beautiful state capital located in the civilized end of the state.
It's one of the old cities founded during the gold rush days. They used to use gold for money at one time in this country, but now it's the only thing you can't use for money.
(We’ve) got a legislature here. In fact, we got quite a few of them here in the hall – always an undesirable element pert near anywhere you go.
We're up here with a movie company, and the legislature, as I say, they're here, and people can't hardly tell which is which. We're up here making a comedy to try and put over on the people, and they're up here working on one to try to put over on the same people. Their comedy is going to have a little drama in it. For anytime you stick a couple of hundred million dollars on a state in taxes, why you're getting into tragedy then." Radio broadcast, May 19, 1935
"I was up in Sacramento last week. They wanted me to address the legislature, but I didn't get to do it. But it wouldn't have done much – there's nothing much you could do about a legislature.
I mean it wouldn't have done much good to address them. It's almost hopeless, and just about all you can do is just pay 'em and then hope for the best.
Funny joke on them though. They run out of money Wednesday, and they're not getting anything now, so they're getting just about what they're worth." Radio broadcast, May 26, 1935
Randall Reeder is Will Rogers Today
http://willrogerstoday.com/
willrogers@aol.com
614-477-0439
Need a Speaker? Hurry up and hire me before I die... again.
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