Monday, November 30, 2009

Weekly Comments: Will misses out on Indian dinner #579

Nov. 29, 2009

COLUMBUS: Last week the President put on a big dinner, and announced it was to honor an Indian. Well, being part Cherokee I figured I could talk my way into the affair. It would give me something interesting to write about, and besides, what harm could it do?

Then I found out the dinner wasn’t for us Indians at all. It was for the Prime Minister of India. So I stayed home and watched football.

Now we’re all reading about a man who took his young blonde wife to the dinner without an invitation, and he’s got more publicity than the Prime Minister. Of course publicity is what he wanted, and now he’s demanding over $100,000 to appear on television to talk about it. Only catch is, if any network is dumb enough to pay him, the check will be delivered by the Secret Service with an arrest warrant for trespassing and impersonating a notable person. The fair thing to do with these publicity hounds is for the U. S. Navy to transport them to the Indian Ocean and set them loose in a row boat off the coast of Somalia. Why, that might get them a role in a reality show after all.

Earlier the government announced that the terrorist who planned the 9/11 attack will get a trial in New York City. It’s going to cost us taxpayers over $100 Million to try a man who already pled guilty and asked to be executed. This decision to foolishly waste these millions of dollars was made by the same government that wants to be in charge of your health care.

Of course the reason for a civilian trial is to show the world that we play fair, even with a man responsible for killing 3000 people. This new gentler approach to diplomacy has already had an effect in the Middle East. Remember how we’ve been trying to get Iran to shut down their two uranium enrichment plants? Well, this weekend Ahmadinejad admitted that having two of these plants is inappropriate; he plans to build ten more.

The big global warming conference starts December 6 in Copenhagen. If it’s like previous conferences, while it’s on you can expect Denmark to have a record cold spell. President Obama is expected to announce, in a good will gesture, that we will drastically cut carbon emissions. In the spirit of global cooperation, China, India and other countries are lining up to applaud our cuts. They are also offering to help us reach our goal by taking off our hands any excess manufacturing jobs.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it.” Saturday Evening Post, June 9, 1928

“America has a unique record: We never lost a war and we never won a conference.” Radio, April 6, 1930

(Concerning national topics) “We discuss them morning, night and noon and I don’t suppose there ever was a time when everybody knew as little about what they are talking about as they do today. Actual knowledge of the future was never lower, but hope was never higher. Confidence will beat predictions any time.” DT #2224, Sept. 19, 1933

Randall Reeder is Will Rogers Today
Need a Speaker? Hurry up and hire me before I die... again.

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